So yesterday was my first therapy session and I'm glad to say it was with my original therapist, so I didn't have the added anxiety of meeting someone new and hoping I'd be comfortable with them.
As it was the first session we had a catch up of where I am now, what I've been going through since my last sessions in October and what I want to get out of these sessions.
I completed some questions about how I'd been feeling over the last 2 weeks, with a choice of answers from 'not at all', 'occasionally', 'often' to 'all of the time'. After completing that he said my answers indicated that I was suffering with severe depression and moderate anxiety.
We had a chat about how I was feeling about everything and I explained that I have lost my self confidence and don't feel like I'm good enough for anything. So our main aim in the therapy is to work on my self confidence, which is where the Compassion Focused Therapy comes into it ( see my previous post). He said I need to have more compassion towards myself not others. I need to be kinder to myself and stop thinking of myself as a burden to Gary and my family and not to feel guilty about having a mental illness.
It was hard to admit to him that there had been times when I thought Gary would be better off without me as I am such a burden and strain. It would have been easy just to take all my tablets in one go and not wake up in the morning. But I couldn't do that to him or my friends and family. They mean the world to me. So I have to push those dark thoughts away and be grateful to have a loving, hard working, supportive husband and a family who love me no matter what.
So that was session one. I felt really tired and drained when I got home, but I'm glad I've got the extra help.
Until next time...
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