Looking 4 Lynne: May 2021

I've mentioned my parents many times before and thought it was time to share a bit more about our relationship.

Like many of you I think I have the best parents in the world.

My mum has been my nurse, my chef, my therapist, my cleaner, my cheerleader, my strength, my inspiration and my best friend.

My dad has been my taxi driver, my bank manager, my bouncer, my builder of furniture, my driving instructor, my protector and my hero.

I have always been a daddy's girl.

Imagine the shock and devastation when my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 18 months ago.

Mum and I had started to notice that he was forgetting words or struggling to find the right thing to say and he was losing his confidence. He no longer wanted to take charge and order meals or go to the bar. We urged him to go to the doctors and when he eventually did he was told it was just down to 'old age'. We knew it wasn't and his memory started getting worse, probably not as noticeable to others but certainly to us.

We pushed and pushed and finally got the GP to give him a memory test. This came back as 'mild Cognitive Impairment'. It didn't seem mild.

Finally, 4 years later and after a lot of phone calls we managed to get him assessed at a Memory Clinic and he also had a CT scan.

As we had suspected, it was Alzheimer's. Just like my Gran (my dad's mum)

The start of dad's rapid decline was when he was told he could no longer drive and we had to take his car away. That was his independence taken off him and he was devastated.

Then only a few months later was the first lockdown and I couldn't go into my parents' house for 12 weeks. There weren't support bubbles then. Dad was getting more and more confused and it was a strain on my mum. I could only see them on FaceTime, which dad struggled with, or chat to them on the doorstep when I was dropping off their shopping.

Looking back, I now realise that I had started to grieve for my dad, for the dad he once was and I wouldn't get that dad back. Every time I chatted to him there was a little less of my old dad.

Mum and I are as bad as each other and wanted to protect each other from how we were feeling, not wanting to be a burden to the other or cause extra upset. Luckily mum has an amazing group of friends, as have I.

It came to a point that mum started sharing more with me about how she was feeling and how dad's behaviour and character had changed. We support each other and talk or text every day.

One thing that hasn't change with dad is his love for me and mine for him.

I cherish every hug and kiss and every time he tells me he loves me.

I whisper in his ear "Don't ever forget how much I love you"

So now the roles are reversed. I am his taxi driver, his protector and his hero.

Life is cruel.

Alzheimer's is cruel.

This is a poem I wrote last year....