I have been really struggling over the last couple of months to keep those dark clouds at bay. But sometimes it's too much and I can feel the darkness descend and the emotions rising. Then the tears just spill from my eyes and I can't stop crying.
I know, I know its good to let it all out, but I wish I could just put a cap on it.
You might be wondering why I've taken a downward turn? Or maybe you picked up on it in my last post?
As I've mentioned before, my dad has Alzheimer's. Over the last few months it seems to have progressed quite rapidly and to the point that he was admitted to hospital for 10 days. It was then decided that the best thing for him and my mum was for him to go into a nursing home full time.
This has had a devastating effect on the whole family and my poor little dad is shadow of his former self. This disease is so cruel.
We are now grieving again. We started grieving when he was first diagnosed. Over the months I could could see the dad I knew and loved slowly slipping away from of me. Our roles changed and all of a sudden he was the child and I was the adult.
Now we are grieving because he's not at home, he's not sitting in his chair with the TV blasting, he's not pottering in the garden or his greenhouse, he's not on the doorstep waving me off after giving me a big bear hug.
I miss him. I want my dad back xx
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