The Real World

Is anyone else feeling anxious about getting back to the real world and socialising again or is it just me? 

I've definitely felt a little overwhelmed over the last few days for a variety of different reasons.

One of the main reasons for my looming anxiety is worrying about what people will think when they see me after such a long time. In my own head I am constantly thinking that I should warn them not to be shocked when they see me because I've put weight on. Don't get me wrong I'm not exactly at Jabba the Hut proportions yet, but I am not feeling great.

In reality I would hope that my friends and family will just be happy to see me whether I'm fatter or not. But I have certainly had thoughts of self-loathing creeping back into my head and have been fretting about what clothes I'm going to wear for the various gatherings I am starting to get booked. Like a lot of people I have spent the last year in sweat pants, just throwing on a nice top and some lippy if I'm on a zoom call.

I have felt very secure in my little bubble at home. Just Gary and I, our cats and being a support bubble for my mum and dad. Other than them I haven't really seen anyone in real life, apart from the occasional doorstep visit from my best friend. I haven't been to the shops as I have everything I need delivered. The thought of going into a busy shop fills me with dread.

This afternoon I bit the bullet and, as I needed to go to the post office, I decided to venture into TK Maxx. If there had been a queue to get in then I wouldn't have bothered. But I walked straight in, antibac'd my hands and started browsing. This was my thought process.....

"Okay, this isn't too bad, it's not too busy and very well organised.

But I hate wearing a face mask.

I'll go upstairs for a bit.

Right I'm definitely feeling uncomfortable now. It's hot under this mask and I can't breath properly. 

I need to get out"

I can feel a panic attack coming on as my breathing gets faster.

"Fight or flight? Fight or Flight?

Okay Lynne remember everything you've learned....in through your nose for the count of 4, hold for 2 and out through the mouth for 4.... And calm."

I did it, I stayed and didn't have to rush out of there in a state of panic.

Hurdle one - tick!

Now I've just got to have a word with myself about how I'm feeling with regards to the way I look and maybe try and be a bit kinder to myself.

There's a lot to be said for a bit of self-love.