Triggers

 Yesterday was World Mental Health Day and ironically it was also a year since I left my job at the bank.

This would have passed me by unnoticed had it not been for Facebook memories reminding me.

I took a look at the post from last year and read the 50 or so comments from lovely people wishing me luck with my new venture after having worked for the bank for so long. But instead of feeling grateful for all the well wishes, I was triggered back to the feelings of bitterness and resentment I felt on that day last year when I again realised that not one of my colleagues had posted a comment to say goodbye or wish me well. I was reminded of my friends and family remarking on how shocked they were that, after 31 years of service all I received as a thank you and good bye was a bunch of flowers. I know that sounds ungrateful but it really did hurt.

It proved to me that, because I had been off for so long suffering with anxiety and depression that I was 'out of sight, out of mind'

I shared the memory to my Facebook page and even added that I wondered if anyone had noticed I'd gone yet. They obviously haven't!

When you are at work you spend more time with your work colleagues than you do your family. You share stories, thoughts and feelings with them. You socialise and become part of their memories, celebrating birthdays, weddings and new babies. Then.......nothing. You only hear from one colleague that you worked with every day for years (and for that I am very grateful HJ)

When I was suffering badly with my depression, this used to eat away at me and make me feel paranoid. Yesterday, I did let it get to me briefly. 

Then I thought;

Do I really miss these people in my life? No not massively

Do I actually need them in my life? No I don't

Have I moved on for the better? Yes I have.

So, although these memories may trigger negative feelings, I am now strong enough not to dwell on them for days on end.

#bekind #worldmentalhealthday #mentalhealthawareness