Self Doubt

 I know we all have some level of self doubt, but I noticed mine becoming more of an issue when my mental health deteriorated. And I'm pretty sure that it's linked to my anxiety and the decline in my self confidence around 18 months ago.

Don't get me wrong, I've never been overly self confident, but I could fake it like the best of them. To the point that people would be shocked if I told them I suffered with anxiety or they'd laugh if I said I was shy or introverted. But I actually am!

While I was working at the bank I was very confident in my job and became accustomed to handling large amounts of cash, answering the phone, while letting someone through the secure door and solving a query all at the same time, without even breaking a sweat. I volunteered to run meetings, train other members of staff and was the 'go to' person if other members of the team got stuck. The 'Google' of the branch if you will!

Fast forward to when I had been off with crippling anxiety and then tried to go back to work too soon. I had lost all of my self confidence and buckled under the pressures that I'd previously taken in my stride.

Luckily my therapist helped me work on rebuilding my confidence, enough to resign from a place of work that was having an adverse effect on my mental health and enough to start a whole new career.

Now this is where the self doubt creeps in again. Because I am learning all of the time, I check and re-check everything, so as not to miss any important details and ensure everything I have input is 100% correct. I write everything down before I send anything out to a client or load anything on to our systems.

Yet I find myself doubting my ability or questioning myself if someone asks those dreaded 3 words "Are you sure?". In my old job I would have categorically said "yes, I'm 100% sure" These days I tend to say "I'll double check for you" Even though I already have.

I'm sure this is something that will improve in time and with experience.

I doubted anyone would be interested in reading this blog, but it turns out you all quite like it.

I need to start believing in myself as much as others do.

And so do you.....