Proud Moment

Following on from my previous post, you know my trepidation about going on public transport and particularly trains. Well I'm proud to say that a couple of weeks ago I went on a train journey and even more amazingly I went on the tube. I know....what an achievement!
The things that made it a bit easier were;

Being with my two best friends, who know and love me despite my mental illness, who have seen me at my worst and my best. They've both witnessed me have panic attacks and they can both spot the signs when I'm starting to feel anxious.

We were in First Class, it felt much calmer and quieter in there. It was mainly full of commuters tapping away on their laptops.

Prosecco! It was my friend's birthday, so we opened a bottle of prosecco (or 2) and just chatted and laughed for the whole journey, so it went really quickly.

Once we were in London, we caught a cab to Covent Garden for some brunch, so everything was fine with that. We then got a cab to our next destination and after that it was time to tackle the dreaded underground.
I'd already told the girls that I was feeling anxious about going on the tube, but they assured me they'd look after me and it would be fine. Of course, we got the wrong one, had to get off at the next stop and wait. They could see I was feeling anxious and kept reassuring me and chatting about other things to take my mind off it. We eventually got the right train and then hit Primark on Oxford Street! Why, why, why, why would I do that to myself?! Especially on a Saturday! It was heaving. I sweating, my heart was racing, I needed water and a sit down! Even my friends said it was too busy.
We then went on to Selfridges, which wasn't much better, but at least it didn't seem so crammed.
And after a couple of cocktails and a bite to eat, it was time to get back to the station for our trip home. We were in first Class again, but there didn't seem to be any air conditioning and it was so hot, I just wanted to be home. The train slowed down and stopped about 2 minutes before we were due into our station. That's when the panic started to rear it's ugly head.... what if there's something wrong with the train? What if something has happened on the track and we're stuck here for hours in this heat and I don't feel well? I won't be able to handle it, I want to go home.
Minutes later a train passed in the opposite direction and then we started moving again. We made it safely to the station and home.
So that might seem like just a lovely day out with friends to you, but to me it's an achievement that I wanted to share.
I don't want this blog to always be doom and gloom and negative. I want to share my positives with you too.....